she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
