I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
