My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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