there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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