Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You smell like stripper and shame
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
