Only a mothe r could love this liver
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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