I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
