You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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