he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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