I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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