remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize