hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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