Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
