I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
