I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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