My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i drank out of a bidet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
