My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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