I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
