i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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