operation harelip BJ is a go
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
