If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
