I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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