I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I touched a dick in church today
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