Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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