if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
