So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
