I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
