Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
