Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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