hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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