Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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