Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
