she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
