Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
