K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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