i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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