she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize