well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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