This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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