You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
