I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im part way to drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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