I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
