i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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