don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
