if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
