You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
