I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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