every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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