I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
