You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
