Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
