I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize