She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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