I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
