What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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