Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Boobs are out for the taking
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize