happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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