you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
