You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
