no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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