I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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