Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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