hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
