Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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