I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
