i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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