For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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